


You’re beautiful, I love you

by StupidChild



Series: Fukunaga is bigender and Yamamoto is his/her soulmate, fight me (please don’t actually do that I‘m scared) [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bigender Fukunaga Shouhei, Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It’s what I‘m going for but I don’t think I can write angst, Light Angst, Other, Rated teen for language, They‘re teens they swear, Yamamoto Taketora is a good boyfriend, You see I wanna Tag Angst but I don’t think it classifies, because I just needed some fluff for these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24559585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StupidChild/pseuds/StupidChild
Summary: Shouhei stands up, sees herself in the mirror and glares. It’s wrong.Everything is wrong. Her hair, her face, her hands, her skin, her whole body is wrong.Sometimes it’s like that, she can’t do anything against it. She hates it.She feels disgusting, wants nothing more than to morph her body into something else. Of course that‘s not possible.But even if she were to sink to the bottom of this ocean, this ocean of hate for her own body and sadness. Even if she was close to drowning in it, Taketora would pull her back up to the surface.Taketora will always, always be there to pull her back up.
Relationships: Fukunaga Shouhei/Yamamoto Taketora
Series: Fukunaga is bigender and Yamamoto is his/her soulmate, fight me (please don’t actually do that I‘m scared) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775173
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	You’re beautiful, I love you

**Author's Note:**

> There’s one time Fukunaga calls herself the T word. You know, slur for Transgender people. So be warned.
> 
> It’s probably best if you read the first part of this series "It all started with a skirt" but you don’t have to. This can totally be read alone. I can’t tell you what to do anyways-  
> Also I legitimately had no idea what category this counts as (it should be f/m right?) but I went with other as well as f/m just to be sure-

Shouhei woke up to her alarm, grabbed her phone without looking and turned it off. She sat up slowly, rubbed her eyes and sighed. Today was one of _those_ days.

That‘s what she used to call the days, on which she felt like a girl, but not anymore. 

_Those_ days meant bad days now.   
And when Shouhei considered something bad, then it was. Really bad.

Shouhei forced herself out of bed and purposely avoided looking into the mirror, knowing that it would only make her feel worse. She quickly got ready and put on her school uniform. While straightening her tie she made a mistake. A big one.

She looked into the mirror. It was wrong, very wrong, she couldn’t stand it. The way her clothes made her look so boyish, oh who was she kidding, she was a boy. 

Shouhei‘s eyes widened in shock at her own thought. How could she call herself a boy when she knew she wasn’t? She hadn’t done that ever since coming out to Chikara. Whatever it was that made her think that, it just made her feel worse.

A boy. Shouhei looked like a boy. Sometimes she liked that, sometimes she felt comfortable in her body and clothes, but today? Today it made her feel sick. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Screw school, she needed self care right now. 

Shouhei‘s school Uniform was thrown on the floor and left abandoned. She began picking out a dress.

Normally this helped her, a lot. She would wear a nice dress, paint her nails, do her makeup. She would stay at home today and relax. With that perfect attendance she had, she could afford skipping one day of school. This would make her feel better, or so she thought.

Oh how wrong she was.

Shouhei looked at herself in the mirror unsatisfied.

Her shoulders were too broad, not girly enough. _They’re not even that broad, you could still pass as a girl._

Her chest was too flat, her waist to wide. _There are flat chested girls. Your waist is kinda tiny for a dude too. Maybe._

Even her hands were too masculine. _They’re hands, nobody looks at those. Besides, you have long thin fingers, isn’t that kinda feminine?_

Her facial features were too sharp. Especially her jawline. _Your face isn‘t THAT defined. Just compare it to Kuroo or Tora. It’s still feminine...right?_

Now that she thought about it, her muscles bothered her a lot too. They just made her look so much more masculine. _Forget it. Y_ _ou play volleyball and work out a lot, you should hope that you‘d have at least some muscle. It doesn’t matter, suck it up._

Horrible this was absolutely horrible. This day had started out way worse than most already, then continued to spiral downwards and was now an all time low for Shouhei.

Things that had never bothered her before were bothering her now. Her hands? Who looks at someone‘s hands and is like "oh this Woman has man hands. Therefore HE must be a tran-"

No. She wouldn’t allow herself to even think of that word.

Calling herself slurs would only make this worse. She kind of doubted that it was possible, because she was just about ready to peel off her own skin at this point. _Women’s skin is typically soft, unlike yours._ But she believed that everything could get worse even if you didn’t think it could.

Usually this mind set served as motivation but right now? She wanted to smash her head against a wall. It was _actually_ getting worse. She was genuinely feeling more and more disgusting and uncomfortable.

Shouhei looked into the mirror again. Her reflection stared- no glared back at her. That ugly and disgusting reflection.

With that way too masculine body, red and puffy eyes from crying, tears streaming down its face and a green dress that didn’t look right on it. _You wore that dress on a date with Tora and it looked good. Someone recognized him and immediately assumed you were his girlfriend. Why does it not work anymore. Why does it look so horrible now? It’s not fair._

She threw herself on her bed and crawled under the blanket. Tears dripped on her pillow, but she didn’t care. She didn‘t care about anything, she just wanted to be alone and cry.

Her mother had come to check on her. "Shouhei You’re going to be late for scho- Shouhei?" She had sat down next to Shouhei and tried to get her to talk, but to no success. The woman then sighed and left the room.

"I‘m letting you skip school just this once. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I‘ll bring you breakfast and if you need anything else just tell me. I’m not going to work anymore, I‘ll just call and say that I‘m sick.", she said before leaving. So kind, so caring. Shouhei was grateful, she really was. It was such a shame that her mother could never give Shouhei what she needed.

Shouhei laid in her bed for some time, silently suffering. The sandwich on her nightstand was left untouched. She wasn’t hungry, she couldn’t bring herself to eat. 

Shouhei didn’t like this. She didn’t want this. Why was she feeling so absolutely horrible today?

Taketora was worried to say the least.

He and Shouhei met up and walked to school together every morning, but today Shouhei was nowhere in sight.

Taketora had arrived at their usual meet up spot and been surprised. Shouhei always arrived before him. He hadn’t thought much of it then, but after five minutes of waiting he started getting impatient and sent her a text. No answer.

After another five minutes he sent a text again. Again, he got no answer.

He knew that, at this point he was going to be late for school, but he didn’t care. After another five minutes he called her. Shouhei didn‘t pick up. 

Something was wrong. Shouhei was fifteen minutes late. Maybe she had just overslept, that was always a possibility. Taketora doubted it. Why? He wasn’t sure. He just had a bad feeling.

So here he was, walking to school alone. He was waking slowly, so Shouhei could catch up should she really have just overslept and he held his phone in his hand, so he wouldn’t miss a single message or call.

But he heard nothing from Shouhei.

When he came to class, he was immediately scolded by his teacher, he didn’t care. "Sorry, I overslept." Was What he told her.

He was worried. Super worried. Maybe Shouhei had just gone without him and there was no reason to worry, but he had no chance of knowing that. Why did he have to be in class 1 and Shouhei in 2?

He sat with Kenma at their usual spot at lunch. "Where’s Fukunaga?", Kenma asked. "I don’t know. I think she might be sick.", he answered. 

The setter hummed and looked up at Taketora. "Are you gonna check on her later?" "Maybe. Probably. I want to." 

Taketora was unable to focus for the rest of the day. He got scolded by almost all his teachers and when time for volleyball practice came, he had made a decision. 

"Kuroo-san!", he called. His captain was just unlocking the door to the club room. "What is it?", he asked. "I’m skipping practice to check on Shouhei today. Bye!" "Wait _what?!_ I‘m not just letting yo- HEY ASSHOLE COME BACK!"

But he had already started running. Running to Shouhei‘s place. 

Taketora somehow managed to fiddle his phone out of his bag, without slowing down. _No missed calls or new messages._ Shit. Why was Shouhei not communicating?

He called Shouhei one last time, just to make sure. But he still got no answer. He was definitely panicking now.

Finally, he arrived at his destination. Shouhei‘s mother answered the door and let him in.

"Pardon the intrusion. Is Shouhei here?", he asked still out of breath. "Yes she’s upstairs. But she refuses to talk and won’t come out of her room.", she answered. Shit. _Shit._

"I don’t know what’s wrong, she won’t talk to me. Yamamoto please check on her, maybe you can get her to talk." "Yes okay. I will. Thank you.", he said while quickly taking his shoes of and hurrying to Shouhei’s room.   
  
Taketora knocked once. Nothing happened. He knocked twice. Still nothing. He sighed. "Sho-Chan? It’s me." No response. He just pushed the door open.

Shouhei‘s school Uniform was sprawled out on the floor, her closet was opened and a few dresses, skirts and tops laid in front of it. Taketora noted that the plate with a sandwich and some water on the nightstand, was obviously left untouched.

Shouhei herself was curled up under her blanket, only her head peaking out. "Sho-Chan?", Taketora asked again. This time he got a response. "To-tora.", she hiccuped.

Her eyes were red and puffy, her voice was trembling and parts of her pillow and dress were tear stained. Fuck. Seeing her like this broke Taketora’s heart.

"Bad day?", he asked. She nodded. He sat down next to Shouhei on her bed. "Come here." As soon as he said this, Shouhei had thrown herself into his open arms. 

Shouhei didn’t know why he was here, but she sure was grateful that he was. She had stopped crying some time ago, but now she was doing it again.

She hiccuped and sobbed into Taketora‘s shoulder, clung to him as if her life depended on it, she was being fucking pathetic in her opinion and he? He gently rubbed circles on her back and whispered comforting words. God what did she do to deserve him?

After she had calmed down again, Taketora cupped her face and placed a short kiss on her nose. For the first time that day, Shouhei smiled. 

"I can’t change your body for you, but I can tell you this. You’re beautiful and I love you. I wouldn’t change anything about you, because you’re perfect the way you are.", he said while intertwining their hands.

Shouhei hiccuped again. "How can you love a tranny like me?" "Don’t call yourself that. And...I love you because you’re you. Fukunaga Shouhei is an amazing and lovable person.", he said firmly. She buried her face in his chest.

They stayed like that for a while, before Taketora shuffled around. Shouhei didn’t bother opening her eyes until he said her name. She looked at him and saw him holding the sandwich his mother had brought earlier.

She shook her head. "No is not an answer Shouhei. You skipped breakfast and lunch.", Taketora said sternly.

In response Shouhei turned her head sideways. "You gotta be shitting me. You have to eat Sho-Chan." She kept looking away from him. He sighed. "Please?"   
  
Shouhei wanted to tell him no, but the pleading tone in her boyfriend‘s voice made her weak. "For me?" That broke her. She reluctantly picked up the sandwich and began to eat.

After the first bite she realized that she was in fact, very hungry. She quickly finished the sandwich and Taketora handed her a glass of water, which she chugged down just as quickly.

"Happy?", she asked. He giggled. "Yeah."

Shouhei laid back down, her head on Taketora’s lap. She was feeling a little better now, but she still felt bad. "What’s wrong Shouhei. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.", he said while beginning to play with her hair.

Her breath hitched. "You know what‘s wrong. You know you can’t help.", she whispered. As expected, her boyfriend‘s loving expression morphed into a frown.

"I know.", he said. "I know that and it makes me so fucking mad. It makes me mad that I can only do so little to make you feel better.", he continued. "But still, talk to me. Please. It’s all I can do for you and even if only a little, you‘ll feel better. " His voice sounded desperate. Shouhei sighed.

"I feel disgusting Tora." "You’re not. You really aren’t."

"I feel so ugly." "You’re Beautiful. The most beautiful person I know." 

"Do you love me?" "Yes, more than anything else."

"Would you still love me if I changed?" Taketora looked at her questioningly. "What do you mean?", he then asked.

"I want to change my body so bad. Turn it into something different. But I don’t think I would be happy like that for long." Shouhei sat up while saying this. "I‘ll love you no matter what. But I don’t think you should change anything about your body if it won’t make you happy.", Taketora softly said. 

"I...feel a lot better now.", Shouhei whispered. "See? I told you." 

"Shut up.", she said before pushing him down onto her bed. "Sho-Chan what are you doing?", Taketora asked. In response, she only laid down on top of him, burying her face in his chest again.

He was warm and comfortable. "Nap." Her voice was muffled by her boyfriend’s chest. He chuckled and Shouhei could feel the vibration. It felt nice. "All right Sho-Chan. Sleep well."

Taketora gently wrapped his arms around her. The warmth of his embrace made Shouhei feel safe and comfortable. "I love you.", she said. "I love you too." Were the last words she heard from Taketora, before drifting to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I legitimately wrote this at midnight and proof read and posted it the next day. Don’t judge me I wanted fluff for the rare pair I randomly got obsessed with and because there’s so little content for them I‘m making it myself-


End file.
